I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize