the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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