The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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