i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
