Dual....:-)
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
