Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My dick has a subreddit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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