careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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