After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
