why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
