I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
