No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
