Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
