I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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