You made me cry and you don't even care
Everything about him screamed your future.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
