BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
