you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
