ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
