Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
