3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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