its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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