I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Holy sore nipples Batman
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
