I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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