I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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