My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
