I'm eating all of the evidence.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
