remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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