so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
