In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
