I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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