Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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