Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
