True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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