I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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