drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
