Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
