Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
