Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so let's talk penis.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
