Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
