How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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