bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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