She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
