I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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