i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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