Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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