im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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