Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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