I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
