he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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