you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
