i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
