Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
