people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
