I'm gonna have a badass scar
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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