so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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