I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
