so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
