Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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