ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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