Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
