Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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