I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
