he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
