how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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