i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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