I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
