An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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