You smell like stripper and shame
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
