I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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