I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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